home again

at least for a while. things have been so topsy turvy lately, I just can't wait to get back into our normal routine, whatever that is!

Grandpas gone.

Garrett is holding in strong, helping grandma with the arrangements and paperwork. It is surprising how much you need to do, in her case, Grandpa was in the military for nearly 40 years, and it seems every office there wants forms in triplicate. I am just praying she gets her survivors benefits as promised, otherwise she has nothing--well, the house has been paid off for a couple of decades so that much is a relief.
I am back at home today trying to make a small dent in the chaos that has become our home.
Everything just feels wrong today. I guess that is normal. I am unsure as to what is going to happen over the next few weeks. I just miss things the way they were. It's funny how absolutely everything changes and I seem to always be mourning the past.
Back to the tidy-ing up now.

I don't know what to write today

Just thought I should update y'all, but there is not much going on. we had a couple of busy days, went to IKEA and bought the computer hutch we've had our eyes on for months. It is beautiful! and so spacious. We also inherited a TV, which is great for Garrett as he has been wanting a hi-def one for his blu-rays. Now all we need is the Blu-ray player.
A car will be our next purchase, as soon as Garrett's work picks up again, then the player.
God has been providing, not only our needs but also our wants lately. I'd like to think that the TV is Garrett's reward for sacrificing so much to be with Grandpa these last few weeks. I also don't object to it, as I LOVE watching my favorite movies while I putter about the house.
Grandpa doesn't have much time left, and it is just so weird thinking about it, it is almost like we are beginning the grieving process now. I wish it were easier emotionally, but its not. All we can do is cope with it as it comes.

Answered Prayers

Today was my dad's birthday, so after church we headed over to his house for a barbecue. It was a wonderful time of visiting...until about 3pm, when the kids had a meltdown, and so did I. We left in a rush, and I was fighting tears all the way home. I was just missing Garrett so much I could barely stand it.
We pulled into the parking lot and I gave him a jingle, as the kiddos had passed out in the back seat. The next thing I know, he is rounding the corner! His HOA meeting got moved up, and he was a few minuites early. He gave me a big hug (And of course, I finally broke down and got the front of his shirt all wet. He helped me up with the kids, and promised to stay long enough to have dinner after the meeting.

so, I spent the next two hours prepping dinner and looking for the other set of keys, as I wanted to get the mail. they were lost. I looked EVERYWHERE at least twice, praying the entire time.

When Garrett came in he asked for the keys to get the mail and I confessed I had lost them...AGAIN. So he looked, and found them while I was finishing up dinner. (In my diaper bag of all places, which I had checked every pocket in at least 3 times) Another prayer answered. I cried, again. WE had a lovely dinner of Chicken Marsala and Eva's fettuccine. He declared it eh best I had ever made.

I walked him to the car, and he said he had a little something...it was strawberries! Which I was craving and didn't buy in the store yesterday as they looked so depressing. These were absolutely fantastic.

so, my bad afternoon has turned into a pretty good evening. the kids have settled in to watch a cartoon and I am going to look up birthday cake ideas, and catch up on my blog reading.

God is so good!

I don't miss my mop

It broke a few months ago, and I still haven't replaced it. I have been scrubbing my floors on hands and knees with a hot bucket of water, with just a dash of vinegar and some rosemary and lavender essential oil. and I LOVE it. It is easier on my back, and it seems to do a much better job than my old sponge mop. I don't think I'll even bother with a replacement. The vinegar aids the cleaning and cuts the smells, the oils are disinfectant/anti-microbial and also smell yummy! If great-grandma had vinyl floors and access to a health-food store I am sure this is how she would have done it!

Doing things as grandma would have...

Or should I say Great- or even Great-Great grandma, providing of course that she had an electric washing machine, and that, indeed, she allowed it to do its thing without first manually filling it with buckets of water collected the previous day and hand-agitating it every time the cycle changes--like two grandmas i happen to know.
sigh

I want to cultivate in myself the skills attitudes and do-it-yourself tenacity and work ethic our fore mothers had, with, of course just a few modern modifications. I love my washer. I will not give it up. I will however, hang my clothing out to dry and mix up my own laundry detergent.

I feel like I have had a crash course in some of the harder aspects of the past. Garrett's been gone these two weeks and I can now appreciate first-hand the emotional roller-coaster a lone woman went through while her husband went off to war, or elsewhere following the work. Of course, my hunny is only a 20 minute drive away, and me and the boys do get to see him several times a week, but those times without his humor and help just seem so much duller, and more difficult.

Currently we are sleep deprived, and I will be putting the kids down EARLY. I was hoping for 7, but they're pretty wound up due to the time change. Maybe 8. Then I'm crashing. To heck with the housework. I need sleep.

Depression hurts....Purpose can help!

I have spent the last two weeks in an incredible funk. My amazing hubby has been taking care of his dying grandfather and is therefore, not here. I miss him. Alot. I didn't realize how much I depended on him until he was gone. I would up getting "depressed" Meaning, basically, I was tired, irritated, didn't feel like doing anything and wallowing in self pity and self hatred.

Two nights ago I couldn't sleep, and I cried out to the lord in desperation.

Today I feel fantastic. I have a renewed vision for this particular (hopefully short) season as well as some coping ideas.

I had made my marriage/husband my idol, and the Lord has corrected me.

So, today I woke to a nearly clean house, having stayed up later doing a little more cleaning than I would have liked, but I slept well. Today I managed to get the dishes cleaned and went grocery shopping. It was a real treat to wander around Winco again. I did toss in a few extra items that I wanted into the cart, as did J. In fact, he was quite energetic and ran back and forth along the isles while I read labels---don't worry, the store wasn't crowded and I was able to keep an eye on him--but we had a good time overall. I was super excited to find a 50 lb bag of whole wheat flour for $20. I didn't buy it, as I couldn't lift it at this point, nor do I have a way to store all of that in my small condo. Maybe when Garret's back we can get a bag and i can freeze some.
Back to the previous line of thought. Living with purpose helps the moody-blues. I realize now that I need to live a life pleasing to God, not just my Husband. The manner in which I do things is just as important as getting them done. I also have to keep my spirits up to help the children cope...I ant them to handle all of life's bumps with a (somewhat) positive, flexible attitude and therefore I need to model it.

So there you have it, all the deep stuff that has been rolling about my head.

The weather out here is just beautiful! I will be bringing out my drying rack for the laundry tomorrow, and we may even plant some seeds. It is actually a little late to be starting indoor plants, even late to begin our spring planting here in the valley, but I will be growing mostly herbs and some mid-summer/fall harvesting crops. When our tax return comes I want so bad to get some new window-boxes and grow some strawberries in them! Woo hooo! With the big pine-trees gone my little balcony area actually gets some sun. I think I'll head out there and fix up some of my plants before the boys wake up. Afternoons are mine now, I do my own projects and rest. I love it!