Whenever I am doing something I shouldn't be doing, I get stopped. Yesterday it was simply walking to the store with the kiddos, and, well, shopping, losing my coupon organizer (which had coupons, store credits and gift certificates in it) stressing out, finding it, then taking a phone call I should have let go to voice mail, then letting said phone call stress me out, then walking back home with a cranky 3 year old in tow...and all without eating a proper meal first. I almost didn't make it home. We wound up sitting under a tree at the gas station a block form our home, raiding our groceries for a snack. I had to go slooooowly and pause every ten yards or so. It helped that J. was totally enthralled with the dandelion seed flowers and kept stopping to pick and blow them. In retrospect I can see that i was "Setting myself up for failure" but at the time I was just working down my "to-do" list and ignoring my instincts. I had to spend the remainder of the day resting, and coping with lots of annoying (but not painful) braxton-hicks contractions...they seem to be triggered by stress lately.
God gave us instincts for a reason. I firmly believe He speaks to us in that way, allowing us to choose weather or not to listen. I am listening loud and clear.
I will not go out alone like that again. I will allow my hubby to take care of me. I am (slowly) learning not to let others and my own guilt have so much power over me--realizing that I can control how I let things get to me.
Today I feel free. I am happily resting and puttering about. I found an adorable crochet pattern for a little girls poncho and I hope to finish it by the time the baby comes. Just for today, I will forget the outside world exists and do what my mind and body wants to do...relax, focus inwards, and enjoy this little blessing growing inside.
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