restless

Just feeling restless today. My house is clean, food is stocked up, and all I have to do right now is maintain order and wait. I think I am going to go nutty with the waiting.

The birth-tub is here...

and I am so ready for this baby to arrive!

we have caused quite a stir here in the condo complex. In fact, not 10 minutes after the midwives made it upstairs with the tub, I had people knocking on the door wondering if I was in labor yet. I'm planning on putting a do not disturb sign on the door when the time comes.

of course, now that my house is the cleanest it has been in nearly 9 months, and the majority of my little projects are done the baby is going to wait. She'll wait until we have eaten all the groceries I have stocked up and there is a big pile of dirty dishes and laundry everywhere. and on a Monday.

I had two dreams about the baby last night. The first one I had twin girls, but we forgot to call Garrett. He arrived later in a police car.

The second dream was much more pleasant. We were watching tv and the baby decided to arrive right then so we delivered it and then called the midwives.

I would find it more alarming (in real life) to not have Garrett present rather than the midwives. If things did move that fast, then most likely everything is just fine (just think of all those stories of women having babies in cars on the way to the hospital) we have read up on Emergency childbirth, and have midwives on call to give us assistance as they rush over!

There is just so much fear surrounding childbirth in our society. I find that sad. Yes, things can go wrong. Yes, there are some pretty scary complications that can happen, but, the majority of the time things go just fine.

In fact, in reflecting on all of the "I nearly died in childbirth" stories that people are so delighted in telling to an obviously pregnant woman, I have heard only ONE that was a true complication in childbirth...one in which the placenta was separating before the baby. TRUE complication, very scary. The rest have been stories of medically caused complications, for example:
Nearly bleeding to death afterwards because she was left alone in the room for hours still actively bleeding and the nurses didn't answer her calls. (caused by the staff's inattention, in not making sure the bleeding had stopped or re-started as the case may be)
Having previously high blood pressure drop so low they had trouble stabilizing her after the epidural was administered (a rare but noted complication of an epidural)
Dying after anesthesia was administered. (due to a mistake on the part of the anesthesiologist...the person who told this story insisted this is why childbirth is still dangerous)
I have my own complications related to the drugs I chose to take the first time around and some extreme difficulty healing after a vacuum assisted birth. (which was most likely caused by my inability to push effectively in the supine position and my paranoid reaction to the drugs which kept me from squatting, and an allergic reaction to the stitching materials used to mend the tear caused by said assistance)
The thing is, actual un-interfered with natural childbirth is MUCH safer than one where there are lots of interventions and drugs. Most of modern childbirth horror stories I have heard involve at least one intervention.
Natural endorphins and oxytocin produced by your own body during labor have absolutely no negative side effects. Artificial pain medications and Oxytocin introduced into your body's system have documented possible side effects.
I am grateful for modern medicine, and will not hesitate to use it if necessary, but I honestly believe that there is not much to fear in childbirth...IF you are educated on complications and their warning signs and IF you are willing to get the help you need when you need it! so ladies, Educate yourselves, Empower yourselves, speak up for the changes you want! Medical opinion changes, for example a VBAC is now recommended by ACOG rather than a repeat c-section in most cases. make sure you are up on the latest trends, be your own advocate!

I do feel quite strongly about these things. I do not mean to offend, or belittle those who have had bad experiences, or those who are in need of close medical supervision during complex pregnancies. I am simply saying, if you are low-risk and blessed with health, don't be afraid to seek the birth you want.

housekeeping paradox

The last few weeks have been a time of frantic activity for me. I have been nesting and trying to complete all of my projects before the baby comes. Most of it is done now, and what isn't can wait a bit. I still have to re-paint part of the kitchen and touch up the boys room, but, to be honest, I am so not motivated right now.

Lat week I slowed down...waaaay down. I had a day where I pushed myself way beyond my limits, and actually thought I was in labor, a whole month early! I had to finish my chores that day while sitting down. It was a challenge, but I wanted the house cleaned up in case I did have the baby early. I gained a whole new amount of respect for my husband's grandmother, who has to do everything from her wheelchair.

I have noticed a paradox. The more I slow down and savor the moment, the more I seem to get done. I have truly enjoyed the last week, and I have also managed to keep the house at a reasonable level of cleanliness. Part of it is that I am no longer focused on all the extra projects, but I think that the satisfaction level goes up when I try to make it all a meaningful part of my day, instead of just another list to go through.
I still have a list.
At this point tho, it is just to remind me of what I wanted to do, If I get it done, great! If not, there is always tomorrow.

The Fourth Turning

I am in the middle of the book, "the Fourth Turning" which I mentioned the last post. It is pretty heavy stuff, especially when you are 8 mos pregnant. I actually took a break from it and read some nice fluff by Lynn Austin. I really really like her writing style and her story-telling. She writes teh kind of books I would write, if I had/made the time!

On another note, I am nesting hardcore again. On monday I prepped and froze 6 dinners. today, after my cleaning and prenatal appointment I will be making 3 meatloafs and about 100 meatballs. yum. I think. Garrett isn't too thrilled with the casserole idea, he is used to food not touching =) but most of what he likes can't be prepped ahead and just tossed into the oven and left alone. this is top priority for me when we have a new baby. I try to always prep at least two weeks worth of food....last time I had six weeks worth, but we also didn't have a working oven so it was mostly crock-pot cooking. I have to wait untill friday to assemble my lasagne and ziti, as I am out of freezer space and will be re-locating some food then.

I am also trying to re-arrange and minimize everything in our house, as well as stock up on key items without overwhelming us! Hopefully I can find a place for everything, I might be stockpiling soda and stacking it under whatever furnature has room (it is on sale at Safeway, buy 2 get 4 free) as Garrett goes thru alot of it.

sigh, in reality, I just don't want to be in the kitchen again. I do get tired of always cleaning up the same messes. well, it can't be helped, I'll just have to look for the positives!

overdoing it

Whenever I am doing something I shouldn't be doing, I get stopped. Yesterday it was simply walking to the store with the kiddos, and, well, shopping, losing my coupon organizer (which had coupons, store credits and gift certificates in it) stressing out, finding it, then taking a phone call I should have let go to voice mail, then letting said phone call stress me out, then walking back home with a cranky 3 year old in tow...and all without eating a proper meal first. I almost didn't make it home. We wound up sitting under a tree at the gas station a block form our home, raiding our groceries for a snack. I had to go slooooowly and pause every ten yards or so. It helped that J. was totally enthralled with the dandelion seed flowers and kept stopping to pick and blow them. In retrospect I can see that i was "Setting myself up for failure" but at the time I was just working down my "to-do" list and ignoring my instincts. I had to spend the remainder of the day resting, and coping with lots of annoying (but not painful) braxton-hicks contractions...they seem to be triggered by stress lately.

God gave us instincts for a reason. I firmly believe He speaks to us in that way, allowing us to choose weather or not to listen. I am listening loud and clear.

I will not go out alone like that again. I will allow my hubby to take care of me. I am (slowly) learning not to let others and my own guilt have so much power over me--realizing that I can control how I let things get to me.

Today I feel free. I am happily resting and puttering about. I found an adorable crochet pattern for a little girls poncho and I hope to finish it by the time the baby comes. Just for today, I will forget the outside world exists and do what my mind and body wants to do...relax, focus inwards, and enjoy this little blessing growing inside.

Impression without expression...

...leads to depression.
and was I "depressed" yesterday! I was having an off-day and decided to putter about online a bit. I found some radio and video programs by the author of "from boom to bust and beyond" Jerry Tuma. The man is an economist and he uses demographics to predict/explain the current economic and social crisis. It is AMAZING stuff! There was just so much in it, and I had nobody really to share it with, my darling hubby was just too exhausted from the daily grind to listen to the complex details. Poor guy, but I guess that is my privilege in being able to stay at home and manage my own days. I do get to spend quite alot of time learning new things. I really really enjoy listening to lectures and sermons online while I putter about the house doing chores and playing with the boys.

Back to Jerry Tuma. He predicted the housing market bubble, quite easily and used demographics (the study of populations) to explain what may happen next. Here goes..
Most People reach the peak of their "spending" power in their late 40's, this is when they buy the house and all the fancy stuff inside. The baby-boomers have been buying up homes for quite some time now. The last--and biggest wave of boomers hit that critical time in 2005. The market was peaked (also super inflated due to the large demand for homes) builders kept on building, the next generational wave is MUCH smaller than the boomers (thank you birth control and the changing attitudes towards children in society) and therefore we wound up with too many houses and not enough people to buy them. If you pair that with the fact that people took out unsustainable loans and were foreclosed on housing values plummeted. We have NOT bottomed out yet. The ARM loans (the ones where your rate is fixed super low for 5 years then go up) as well as the "liars loans" (those that required absolutely NO income verification and had adjustable rates) are about to come due. Nearly 7 million more homes will be foreclosed on in the coming two years. It looks dire.
BUT there is good news! It will be prime time to invest in real estate in the next 2-3 years! Start saving every penny you can now, and perhaps you may find a real bargain coming up!

History repeats itself, during the great depression when so many lost everything, those who were prepared for the coming crash made MILLIONS. Properties were picked up for pennies on the dollar, good stocks and investments were purchased at all time low prices and when everything recovered, their net worth did too. The same can happen for us if we look at this as an opportunity and not a time to panic.

We are also, living in a time of a generational and a demographic change. Neil Howe has written a book "The fourth turning" using History to describe what is/may happen in the coming years. His book was written in the mid-90's when we were in the middle of the greatest economic upswing in our history and nobody paid attention. He accurately predicted the economic crash...as an event that would change us all starting in about 2005. HMMMM....did you know this has all happened before? Holland and the tulips anyone? His point of view is a generational one. Basically that every 'fourth' generation there is a rebirth or death of society. Every generation in history has connected with and acted like a previous one, and economics and politics have reflected that as well. We (those of us born in 1982 and after) are now emerging onto the political scene, and things are going to be shook up. Basically we all follow the same pattern: Generation 1 experiences a conservative high after a major war, the 2nd gen hits the spiritual revival mode, 3rd Gen has the wild unraveling of all the values that have come before, and the 4th generation experiences the Crisis that will reset or change everything. Generation 1 raised gen 3, Gen 2 raised Gen 4. Gen 4 has little contact with Gen 1 and therefore does not learn from their experiences so society must re-invent the wheel. This could be very very good, or very very bad. During this time of Crisis a political party will set itself up and try their darnedest to patch things up, but it most likely will not work...its the ones that come immediately after that will establish what America will look like for the next FOUR generations.
Once again, there is hope. WE can change things, as long as enough of us wake up and start voting our values and shaking up the political and social systems. Don't be afraid to express your beliefs and values, live the life you want to live and change your corner of the universe!

The third thing is mentioned a bit by both authors (please note, I haven't been able to read the books yet, I am discussing based on their interviews and radio broadcasts) Is the demographic switch. Europe is in the middle of a demographic crisis. The birth rate in many countries are FAR below replacement levels (in fact, the world birthrates are just about there as well) Meaning there are less young workers to support the elderly retired. (china, anyone?) this is BAD for our current economy, and our social programs--all of which are based on an ever-growing economy. America is about 10-15 years behind Europe (I still find it odd that half of Europe is going bankrupt due to unsustainable government funded health care, retirements ect. and yet our politicians keep saying we NEED to be like them, it will save our society!) Basically Europe is dying off, and we are quickly following. Now, there are three things that can be done about this. 1.people can have more babies--many countries now offer tax breaks and outright payments to native-born citizens who are willing to have more children. This has not worked so far. 2. Active immigration. Allow those from developing countries (who have growing populations) to become citizens and start paying taxes. or 3. Change the system. (Yeah right, who wants to give up all their "free" government benefits and start doing things on their own.)

SO, in reflection of all these ramblings here are my thoughts: This has all happened before and it will all happen again, there is nothing new under the sun. History has shown that. We will not repeat it exactly but it will echo the past. WE are in the midst of a great change, and if we stand strong and trust in God there is a chance for a great rebirth of society and even personal economic prosperity.

What will I do? Save every penny I can squeeze out of my budget and get ready for the second wave of real estate foreclosures. I will continue to support politicians who want to radically change government BACK to the values of the constitution and who practice sound fiscal policy, who have strong moral character and a sense of absolute truth. I will keep having babies and not let this crisis mode destroy our dreams.

whew. that was a tiring post, I hope it made sense! I am off to find some more stuff to study!

Building good habits

I have read before--many many times that in order to build a good habit you need to do the same thing for over 22 days, and viola, you have a new good habit. I could never do that. I always miss a day, or get this streak of rebellion halfway through my "Goal" time. I had to find what worked for my personality...

"Right now, I'm going to choose to (insert whatever habit you want to establish here)"

Here is how it works, In trying to give up soda--simply choose something else to drink when you are thirsty. Don't go cold turkey or wean yourself off, don't make some elaborate plan. The next time thirst strikes, choose something else "just for now" if you have to.

I've been using it on my laundry. When the dryer beeps, I choose to fold and put it away immediately. As my dryer is well, rediculously small, this only takes about five miunites. I peacefully get it done, stacking it on my washer as I fold which keeps the kiddos out. After it is all folded, it goes straight into the drawer or hanger. It WORKS! Laundry dosn't seem like such a daunting chore...I used to always feel I was drowning in it. Now I am not. I used to just toss the clothing on a chair untill It built up to monumentous proportions, then put on a movie and sit down to fold...forever.
This has cut down on the need to iron as well. not that I actually did it, I just needed to.

The next habit to build.... WASHING THE DISHES! not waiting for a "reasonable" sink-full to build up, just quickly doing each dish as it is dirtied. I am a bit behind for now, but I think after I finish this I will choose to quickly catch up...just for right now.