moms of many young siblings...

I have wondered in the past, why it seems there are no blogs out and about written by moms who have lots of little ones. Many of the blogs about big families seem to have teens and older kids, and their advice about getting the big ones to help with the littles is nice, but does not apply to me. At this point I seem to be struggling with everyday existence and just wonder how this is all going to work out. I long for the company of someone else who is walking the same path I am.
I realized something the other day, moms like me just don't have time to do the blogging thing. I certainly don't. I am hoping to get myself back on some sort of schedule soon, in order to free up a bit more time for the blogosphere.

surrender

I have fully resigned myself to my fate...while that sounds rather dismal in reality it is not. I have been embracing the chaos that is this season of my life. When the baby cries, I simply pick her up and tend to her needs. When the boys need a boo boo kissed, I do so and give them a little extra snuggling as well.
This is the good life.
There was a bit of backsliding in this earlier today, I started worrying about getting the house "done" we wound up skipping outside time. BIG mistake. the boys got all wound up and wouldn't stay in bed at naptime. I finally bribed/rewarded them with an offer of going swimming if they stayed in bed.
It looks like I'll be taking them swimming in just another hour or so.
Here is my plan.
J. in life Jacket, playing by himself at the stairs...he LOVES this.
S. in arms
A. in baby seat in the shade.
When J. wants to be carried, trade out the life jacket.
Set a timer, let the boys know we only have until the "Beep beep" goes off, or until the baby cries too much.
Call grandpa and see if he can come over after work and hang out poolside to hold A.

I will be trying to acquire another life jacket, and possibly a hose so we can use our water sprinkler toy in the common areas...for the next couple of weeks anyway.

finding a new routine

The last few days have been an adventure.
Wednesday was frustrating, everything went "wrong"
Thursday was spend in the moment, except for the late evening when cranky boys who hadn't napped wouldn't stay in bed.
Today I thought I had a plan that would work. A. isn't cooperating. She has foregone her usual sleep in an hour later tan everyone else routine and wants to nurse instead. I did get the bathroom cleaned up, and hopefully we will have some breakfast soon.

I am still working on living in the moment. WE had some wonderful success in that yesterday. I read a book about bugs to the boys, then we went outside and found some. I didn't bring a book or my phone, we just wandered around the common area and played in the dirt. A. slept in the sling. Later in the afternoon I was scrubbing down the dining chairs and the kitchen floor and the boys wanted to help. I gave them some plain water and rags, and were they ever helpful!! we even dried the floor together. They also wanted to help with the dishes, which just turned into splashing around in the water while I nursed the baby...again.

we also had some massive failures. We went outside and both the boys melted down initially, J. had an accident. I dragged everybody upstairs in spite of tantrums, feeling quite angry myself, and then realized in our enthusiasm to get outside before the heat, that we forgot to eat breakfast, and use the bathroom! I felt bad then, but we made up a picnic breakfast and went back out for some wonderful play time. Bedtime was a nightmare, I am out of ideas. They just won't stay in bed, and they are totally exhausted. J. has been keeping himself up late and awake during nap time as well, the result is an extremely grumpy and somewhat aggressive toddler. I guess we will just try again today and see what happens.

Mixed feelings

The post partum perioud can be a huge emotional roller coaster. As the body adjusts back to normal hormonal levels things can get a bit wonky.
Yesturday was hard.
Today I am changing priorities a bit. I'm going to attempt to keep a closer watch on my emotional state, to remind myself to remain positive. It tends to melt down in the afternoons. The boys just don't want to be in bed at nap, and I am running out of ideas.
So, take care of self, remain positive, live in the moment.

Morning snuggle time

In the spirit of learning to savor the moment, I thought I would post a few moments from the day that I really enjoy.

Morning snuggle time! Pregnancy makes me extra tired, so the boys and I got in the habit of snuggling in the morning...mainly so I could doze off for a few more miunites. They wake up pretty early, between 6:30 and 7:00. they would both climb into my bed and snuggle. Now that we have our little princess, I have been continuing the tradition. S. snuggles uner my left arm, A. is under my right and J. snuggles next to "his baby" and reaches over to play with my hair. All in all, a wonderful way to spend the morning, untill of course they start getting squirmy and silly.
I don't know if I am going to continue returning to bed in the morning after Garrett leaves when I am off my "Restricted duty" then again, I am loving the lazy mornings! I am excited about re-vamping my days. This break has really helped me to learn to relax and re-focus!

the art of relaxation

There really is a knack to relaxing guilt free. For quite some time I have struggled with this concept. I was raised by a very high-energy industrious mom, who always seemed to keep everything together...and here I am, very low-energy and, well, just not nearly as efficient. Enter the self-imposed guilt.
But you know what, I'm not my mom. Nor am I Martha Stewart, Julia Child or June Cleaver. I am me.
I want to be me. I am truly starting to enjoy just lazing about the house, bonding with the new baby and playing with my boys. I think I will keep doing this. Hang the housework.
The house has carried on without me, thanks to a few dear friends and family members...everyone does a chore now when they come to visit the baby. It is working quite well. Too bad I only have a week left on my "no housework, no lifting, no going downstairs, no working" ban. I could get used to this.

So, enter reflections on my routines. Here are the new rules. I WILL take coffee/tea breaks when the kids have their snack. at least 15 mins of doing something just for me. At nap time, I will nap if tired, or work on a fun project. NO chores or balancing the checkbook. Fun stuff. One video a day will be used, guilt-free, when I need time to do something...like cook dinner without two toddlers trying to hover about my legs. Outside play time everyday...until the weather gets too bad, and then off to the mall for inside play time! Grocery shopping will be done on Sundays, EARLY so I can leave the boys at home, and Garrett can haul them up. I will stop by Starbucks and enjoy a coffee on the trip. I will actually spend some of my spending money each week. If it is not spent, it will be removed in cash and tucked away for a later date. I will allow myself to pause and enjoy the moment wherever we are at.

now, off I go to snuggle down on the futon and finish toy story 2.

The birth story

Here it is, if you are a sensitive reader be forewarned.

This was either my longest labor ever or my shortest, it depends on how you count it. The previous week I had a full 20 hours of contractions, following my usual pattern as based on my previous two labors. They were 10 mins apart and somewhat intense. Eventually they got down to 2 mins apart, and stopped. Completely. Verrry frustrating. I had the entire house prepped, snacks for the birth team made, the kiddos at their aunties,and my hubby missing work. I was so totally confident that this was going to be it that I was shattered. I also only progressed 1 cm during that time. On the bright side, we had a nice dinner and I got the best sleep I have had in about 3 1/2 years.
During the following week i had contractions EVERY afternoon until I went to sleep. these were NOT braxton hicks, every day they got more intense and "painful" and every day a bit more of my body got involved, until it felt like the contractions went from my chest to my knees. Not very fun. I stopped letting my midwives know, as they just kept stopping as soon as I was able to sleep.
Tuesday afternoon there were no contractions.
Tuesday evening my sister in law called to announce she was pregnant. I was super excited,and jumped around a bit. Two hours later contractions started again, it was nearly 11 pm.
I ignored them.
I went to bed.
I tried to sleep.
They didn't stop.
At 5 am I got up and made my DH his breakfast and packed his lunch, and sent him to work.
the contractions were STILL 10 minutes apart. Logically, and according to my previous labors, I had plenty of time.
I was afraid.
I tried to do the dishes...neglected from the previous day. I crawled back into bed. S. woke up around 5:45 I pulled him into bed with me and we snuggled. J. woke up not much longer, they were both fussy and I was really REALLY cranky. I put on a movie and called my mom. She stayed on the phone with me and insisted I call dad. He came right over and watched the boys for me. The contractions picked up in intensity, but still 10 mins apart. It was 6:30. I called my midwives to let them know I was in labor and would probably need them sometime that day. My contractions suddenly jumped to 5 mins apart. at 6:45 I called them back and told them to come NOW! I called Garrett's boss, who sent him home...two minutes prior to the work day starting. I made myself eat some toast and drink some powerade, still figuring I had hours and hours to go. I was quite miserable. I started making noise during the peak of each contraction. I was shivering and dizzy in between, I felt like I was riding on waves of sensation. Dad kept poking his head in the door and asking if i was OK EVERY contraction, at the peak. I yelled at him. (Sorry dad)
Finally Garrett got home, a full hour after I called (a pretty good commute time actually) dad whisked the boys away. I told Garrett to get comfy as I was going to need him. He started to take off his boots and overalls.
I stopped him.
I needed to throw up, right NOW!
He half carried me to the bathroom and held my hair back.
I was afraid.
I crawled into the bathtub and put the shower on. My contractions subsided somewhat.
I made him call the midwives and ask where they were.
I demanded he prep the tub.
He did all this still partially in work clothing, I htink he even had one boot on still.
My midwife Claudia arrived.
I hobbled to the couch, sitting on top of a chux pad.
I begged for the tub.
I needed to push.
I declared I didn't want to do this anymore and I was afraid....I still thought I had hours and hours to go.
Nope.
It was time to push.
I did one or two lying on my side. It felt good. I changed position, thinking, logically being upright would help it end sooner, gravity would help.
I stopped pushing.
I tried the birth stool.
Still didn't want to push.
Midwife Jen was still on her way, I overheard Claudia say she might miss it. I was afraid to push.
I refused to push.
I laid down again, Jen arrived.
Tried pushing again, felt some progress.
Breathed through a few more.
Jokes went around about having the baby in time to get to a Midwifery/Medical board meeting scheduled for that morning.
I pushed a little more, wussy pushes.
We discussed the fact that my waters were intact, I was worried the baby wouldn't come out. we agreed to wait a bit and see what happened.
the next contraction I HAD to push. I pushed HARD.
My waters exploded.
seriously.
I couldn't stop pushing at that point.
I remembered what it felt like then, to push a baby out. The sensations were familiar, I knew it was almost there.
Abigail entered the world at 9:11 am on Wednesday.
I didn't believe it was already over.
In fact, I stated that, several times, while clutching my lovely pink newborn.

She was perfect, just enough crying for us to know she was ok, then she snuggled down and rested.

We had nearly two hours of bonding while the midwives cleaned up. We cleaned up and then did the newborn exam all together. Garrett cut the cord. (they do it twice, once after the birth, leaving a long end, then again a neater, closer one.) She was perfect.

Then we called the family at about 11:30. My parents came over, the boys met their sister. Everyone left and we slept.

Overall, it really was a beautiful birth. I am still having a hard time believing I went all the way to the pushing stage on my own, no drugs, no tub, no nothing.

I wonder what the next one will be like.