introspection

There was a time in my life when I was desperate to do something of great significance for the Kingdom of God. I longed to make an eternal impact, to leave a mark, so to speak. As I pondered my future I had opposing thoughts. The first was how can I serve the lord if I do not have a Husband? The second, how can I serve Him if I do? The apostle Paul lets young ladies know, that before they are married they are single-hearted in their devotion to God. (1 Corinthians 7:34 (New International Version) An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband.) A married woman lives divided, attempting to please her husband and her Lord.
I can say this is absolutely true! The single years I had after I recommitted my life to God, and before I met my husband, were a time of rapid spiritual growth. I experienced a freedom to go wherever I was needed and served Him at various Youth camps.

After Garrett and I married, I found that my spiritual growth changed. For a time, I felt it had stopped, but hindsight puts it in a clearer light. Marriage has been a crucible for me. I don't like introspection, in fact, I can be quite fearful of it. However, when I was young I prayed that the Lord bring any circumstance into my life to mold me into the woman He wants me to be. Tough prayer. Lately I have been confronted with some very uncomfortable facts about myself. I have learned that, indeed, I am not perfect. sometimes, I am not even "not too bad" the Lord has revealed to me many aspects of my character that are not good. I am attempting to remedy them now. I am sure that life will bring them to the forefront time and time again. I am learning to welcome adversity. with every new trial, i am strengthened, and refined a bit more. Eventually I hope to be a woman of great faith, who is able to tackle any problem with a peaceful spirit. so, today I say, Bring it on Lord!