I have spent the last two weeks in an incredible funk. My amazing hubby has been taking care of his dying grandfather and is therefore, not here. I miss him. Alot. I didn't realize how much I depended on him until he was gone. I would up getting "depressed" Meaning, basically, I was tired, irritated, didn't feel like doing anything and wallowing in self pity and self hatred.
Two nights ago I couldn't sleep, and I cried out to the lord in desperation.
Today I feel fantastic. I have a renewed vision for this particular (hopefully short) season as well as some coping ideas.
I had made my marriage/husband my idol, and the Lord has corrected me.
So, today I woke to a nearly clean house, having stayed up later doing a little more cleaning than I would have liked, but I slept well. Today I managed to get the dishes cleaned and went grocery shopping. It was a real treat to wander around Winco again. I did toss in a few extra items that I wanted into the cart, as did J. In fact, he was quite energetic and ran back and forth along the isles while I read labels---don't worry, the store wasn't crowded and I was able to keep an eye on him--but we had a good time overall. I was super excited to find a 50 lb bag of whole wheat flour for $20. I didn't buy it, as I couldn't lift it at this point, nor do I have a way to store all of that in my small condo. Maybe when Garret's back we can get a bag and i can freeze some.
Back to the previous line of thought. Living with purpose helps the moody-blues. I realize now that I need to live a life pleasing to God, not just my Husband. The manner in which I do things is just as important as getting them done. I also have to keep my spirits up to help the children cope...I ant them to handle all of life's bumps with a (somewhat) positive, flexible attitude and therefore I need to model it.
So there you have it, all the deep stuff that has been rolling about my head.
The weather out here is just beautiful! I will be bringing out my drying rack for the laundry tomorrow, and we may even plant some seeds. It is actually a little late to be starting indoor plants, even late to begin our spring planting here in the valley, but I will be growing mostly herbs and some mid-summer/fall harvesting crops. When our tax return comes I want so bad to get some new window-boxes and grow some strawberries in them! Woo hooo! With the big pine-trees gone my little balcony area actually gets some sun. I think I'll head out there and fix up some of my plants before the boys wake up. Afternoons are mine now, I do my own projects and rest. I love it!
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